Carroll Family Life

If anyone has a crystal ball... I could SERIOUSLY use one!

As most of your know... our life currently revolves around the weather channel. Why, you ask. Well, Clint "chases" hurricanes. Our income and Clint's location depends on whether there is one or not. There are pros and cons to there being a storm this year. The pros would be obvious... money. The cons... seem to outnumber the pros. The bills might not get paid, but we would be together to take care of our brand new baby. True, all he will be doing is eating, sleeping, and pooping for a while, but I want Clint to be there for ALL of it. EVERYTHING! I want him up with me at 3am trying to figure out what to do next... not because I want to torture him, but because I love him and want him to be a part of every aspect of this adventure. Thats the maternal side of me.

The accountant side of me says... we BETTER get a storm, cause then we will have one less thing to worry about financially. My choices for employment will broaden greatly if there is a storm. Perhaps part-time versus full-time employment? If I can work part-time... that will allow more time to be able to travel to see Clint or to be available to spend time with him when he gets to come home. Not to mention spending time with Jax!

PERFECT WORLD: Clint gets to stay home and God blesses us in some unforeseen way and he can make more money from right here in Conroe, Texas. OR God gives me some unforeseen way to make money from home. I would be able to work part-time to spend more time at home with the baby and focusing on my dream of owning my own business. Lastly - and most importantly - we could be a normal family!

I can handle any scenario... storm or no storm, but there are so many preparations/decisions to make for both scenarios. So pick a scenario for each and wait to see what happens ~ why can't I do that?? Because it just gets so complicated in my head when I start really thinking about it. The "what-if" monster comes out and drives me CRAZY!

While I'm obsessing over my lack of control over my future... I REALLY want to know when Jaxson is gonna be here! Is he gonna be a full termer ~ giving me 11.5 weeks to get ready OR is he gonna be like his mommy and come 5 weeks early? Which would mean 6.5 weeks? Okay, I know I'm like the bazillionth person to have a baby, but its my blog... and I'm just being honest!

AND THEN.... if I don't have enough to wrap my brain around... those silly worries that I always thought were preposterous that I would hear pregnant women talking about have started... Let call it "What If" Syndrome.... and its really a horrible disease. Example: (and this is really terrible, but unless you have been pregnant, don't judge - k?) What is he has cauliflower ear, missing fingers, an extra limb, any of the millions of diseases/deformities/etc that a baby can be born with? What do we do? We deal with it! I know this ~ thats always been my personality. God WILL NOT give me anything I can't handle. Problem is... I think I can handle a lot... so that opens the door for all kinds of stuff. See how this can snowball? I've been praying for peace! Maybe you could drop me a line too? I refuse to let these fears/worries/whatever distract from the absolute joy of knowing there is a life inside of me.

I made a pledge to myself to be 100% honest about the truth of pregnancy (and soon parenthood) so that my friends would be prepared and know that they weren't along when they go through these things. Don't mean to be Debbie Downer with this stuff... but honesty isn't always fun.

On a lighter note ~ I can't wait til my showers!!! I am so ready for baby stuff! I had to make myself stop buying stuff... at least until after the showers! I'm ready to do some serious nesting!